My Best Home Alone Face

I had always imagined what my reaction would be to finding out I was pregnant. Would I scream? Cry? Would it be some cute movie lines exchanged between Scott and I? Maybe wrap up the test and send it to work in his lunch box?

On Dec 11, 2010 (yes, I remember the exact date), I was Christmas shopping in Louisville with Norma, Beth and Linda (My MIL, SIL and Scott's Aunt). Beth and I got separated from the others, talking away as we do, when I mentioned how tender my boobs were. She chuckled and said, "Maybe you're pregnant." I have already mentioned that, while trying, I knew exactly when I should start and if I was late at all, and maybe a time or two I had actually been about 3 days late, but tests were never positive. In fact, 31 days was as long as I had ever gone, but 28 was typical. I scoffed, but let her move on ahead as I pulled out my phone to check the was day 29. My breath caught. I was ready to go home that instant so I could take a test. I called Scott, "Did you know I was late?! How did I miss that?!" He said, "Yes baby, I knew.",  almost like he wished I hadn't realized. I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it and he told me, it was because I always got so crazy excited and he hated to see me sad when I'd rush to take the test, only to find it negative. He hoped I would just enjoy my time shopping and not worry about it.

By the time I got home I had convinced myself that, in fact, my boobs were bigger and my jeans a bit tighter....could it be?! I wanted to take a test that evening, but Scott made me promise I'd wait until Tuesday, which would be day 32. That's 3 days people! Hard for me to imagine now that I made that promise, but I did. That was three really long days, but Tuesday morning did in fact make it. Although I normally woke up at 5:30 as opposed to Scott's 4:30 wake up, on this day, I was up and at the commode with a test, before he hit snooze. This is especially noteworthy since I had a snow day and really no need to wake early.

I wish I had kept track of how many tests I had taken in those eight years, straining to see two pink lines. Turning the stick in the light, just in case it was there and I just had a bad angle. But it never was....not even when I'd dig it out of the trash an hour later, just to make sure.

So, this morning, without a word between us, I peed on the stick while he brushed his teeth. I set it on the shelf in front of me while he spit, and rinsed, then dried his hands, never taking his eyes off me in the mirror. Many times he'd had to hug and console me on similar such mornings, but never on day 32 with no trace of starting. Unable to wait the 3 minutes for accurate results, I took an early peek. What!?! In all my imagined reaction scenarios, I never pictured shock, or disbelief. "Scott, is that two pink lines? Do you see two lines?" It was somewhere between a scream and a whisper with my face in my hands, that I spoke as I thrust the test in his face. "Do you see it? Can you see two lines? Are we pregnant? Are we going to have a baby?" He smiled, eyes flooded with tears.

We collapsed into each other. We were pregnant. We were going to have a baby.

We dressed, ate breakfast, and smiled at each other like giddy school kids after their first kiss. We decided we were not the kind of people to sit on this news, especially after waiting so long to have the chance to say it. Instead, we wanted to share it with everyone right away. Gram was still asleep but we wanted her to be the first to know. We went downstairs and I called to her. "Gram, can you wake up? Everything is ok, but we need to talk to you." So, she scurried to the bathroom, asking us to give her a few minutes to steady herself. We stood at the island in her kitchen and blurted out the news. "We are pregnant!" She gasped in surprise, then with pride and joy difficult to describe, she smiled through her tears and hugged us both. "We're going to have a baby. I'm just so happy."

We continued down the line of family and friends, letting them know our news, each as shocked and excited as we were. About 9:00 that morning, I took a second test. I figured after all those I had taken before that were negative, it would be ok to have two that were positive! I sent a picture of that test to Scott at work, "Just in case you'd forgotten....we're going to have a baby!"

That day, stuck inside with the boys, I held to them a little more. Timothy and Mason were going to be big brothers and it made my desire to adopt them even greater.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on the 'talk' with God I'd had just 2 months earlier. Why now? Why after I finally said I was ok, did God bless us in this way? While we cannot presume to understand His ways, I believe pretty strongly that it had something to do with finally surrendering myself to His plans and not trying to force my own any longer. He didn't want my 'deals', he just wanted my trust, my faith and my heart. There was nothing about my path to parenthood that I could claim as my own...absolutely every bit of it was His perfect timing, His perfect plan and He used, and continues to use, every bit of it to test and strengthen my faith.