And exhausting. I tried to nap under the cushions too, but I didn't fit so well!
But, for the first time, I was dealing with the physical and emotional side of coming home with a newborn. Sleepless nights, we had done. But stool softeners and leaky boobs on top of sleepless nights, I had not! Every day was a miracle. How did this happen? How do we have three boys under three years old? You pray, you hope, you cry, you get mad, you hope and pray some more, then you rejoice! And then you change another poopy diaper and snap back to reality and think again, wow, how did this happen? They are a miracle. Not just Elijah, not just because he came from us, but Timothy, and Mason. And not just mine, but yours as well, or those you are hoping and praying for. A miracle. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. I have those regrets, little things I would change if I could go back....I wish I hadn't tried so hard to keep the big boys quiet while Elijah slept. I should have tickled them and laughed with them. Used that time to take them outside to run and play, or build towers with them. I should have stayed off the baby feeder app while I breastfed late at night to see how much he had eaten that day and just watched my baby fill his belly with the wonderful goodness God gave my body to nourish him. But, I know I did the best I could in the moment, and I'm ok with that.
They are magic and our love for each is endless.
After the termination of parental rights in July, it was just a waiting game while the cabinet and lawyers completed more mounds of paperwork, preparing Timothy and Mason's case to move forward with adoption. We hired a lawyer. We attended meetings where we were asked questions like, "Do you understand when you adopt them, they will be your responsibility as your natural children are?" I wanted to explain that they weren't just a responsibility. They were our sons. That God had knit our family together perfect, as only He can. That in His perfection there are 17 months and 12 days between Timothy and Mason, and 17 months and 16 days between Mason and Eli. That, although there are two degrees of adoption separation, Mason looks just like my Dad! That all three are redheads like their Daddy. That we are meant to be. I wanted to ask if they understood that the only thing that would change for us, is their name? But I didn't. We said, 'yes, we understood", we signed all the necessary paperwork, and then we waited for a court date....