My Life

I recently mentioned in a blog post about an upcoming surgery I was having and some trepidation I was feeling about the procedure, recovery and the general 'ugh-ness' of it all. Well, said surgery was ten days ago. I survived it, and only passed out one time while getting the IV. Why, medical types, must you 'talk' about how nice my veins are? Just be efficient, effective, kind, successful the first time, and be on your way. Don't talk tenderly to my arms, as you pat and rub, trying to find just the right spot, commenting over and over how great this is going to be with veins like these. Gasp. Out I go, every time. No matter how hard I try, out cold.

The procedure went well...a little longer than planned, but all good. And they didn't even have to interrupt my pacemaker, which was good news to me. Coming out of anesthesia only took ten hours, but eventually I did, and made it home no issue the next day. Recovery is slow, but it is happening, as the air pumped in my tummy moves, dissipates and releases, and the incisions heal. I am still moving very slow, can't bend, lift or twist, body is aching and my insides are sore.

But amid all this fun happening with my body, I've noticed a few things about my life that I'm, somewhat, unable to participate in right now. Nothing totally new, or earth shattering, but things I've seen from the couch that probably go unnoticed more often then they should. I have a great thing going here. An amazing thing really. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our kids, who will jump right in and handle 'mom' duties, tend to me when I need help and still get the trash to the end of the drive with four little, jammy clad helpers. He might not have kept their dressers as organized as I do, and three days worth of clothes were strewn about their bedroom floors the first time I made it up, but they were dressed, fed, bathed, princess' hair was combed (ouch!), and no one suffered for the messy floors or dressers.

My boys, they are surprisingly nurturing little guys. They brought me woo-woos, pillows, gave me gentle side hugs, worried when I winced and asked if I was ok with every cough. They were quick to help if I dropped something and sweet enough to tell me they missed my bedtime snuggles. I love the little men they are becoming. They play with the toy kitchen and food and prepare 'sick soup', as naturally as they become super heroes charging through the house and out the door fighting bad guys. Their imaginations are active, they are smart and kind, and I love them.

My girl. She is becoming the rottenest one in the house. She is independant and stubborn, and almost everything she does that we try to help her with, is quickly followed by, "No, me!", or "I do it!". Normally, when I am immersed in my day, this can be very frustrating, even annoying, as it usually slows me down to let her work through things on her own, but these days as an observer of my life, I find it fascinating to watch this little bitty girl, smaller than many half her age, struggle to learn new things, accomplish new tasks, and be slowed by nothing, as she spends her days keeping up with, and holding her own against, her brothers. I have watched her with her babies as she feeds them, talks to them about their behavior or the day ahead, rocks and sings them to sleep, tucks them in and whispers her love to them. It may be the greatest compliment to a mother, to watch her daughter act out her role. (Or perhaps otherwise....thankfully I haven't seen her act out my not so positive maternal traits yet!) I love watching her. I love when she brings her baby to sit next to me, pats my leg and tells me how much she loves me. Having a daughter is like a mini mirror, God's challenge and gift to us moms.

I have had several 'down' days to ponder this fast moving life I lead and find myself thinking about life before them, then the flood of love that entered my life with the arrival of each of them. I know, in the trenches, it's hard to slow down and appreciate the details, but I hope the reminder I've had during this recovery, helps me to pause long enough to enjoy these moments along the way. These days are going so fast. They grow and change over night and when the sun comes up each day, I want to say, "I was there, I saw it all, and it was amazing."